Women supporting Men: The Dos and Don’ts….

Image ref: Cosmopolitan

Men are not from Mars, neither are women from Venus. They’re the same species from the same planet – earth! But these genders certainly aren’t the exact same. The differences between men and women are real and important.

They serve different biological functions and even act differently due to their psychological build. Sometimes conflict arises due to a lack of understanding of a man by a woman and vice versa.

IBIENE curates facts about men and how women with men in their lives should or should not show support.

Hard-wired to check out women:

Image ref: Dominica Vibes

Well, there’s almost nothing anyone can do about this fact although it remains controversial and often leads to serious problems for couples. Blame it on testosterone which is often linked to aggression and hostility, yet is also the hormone of the libido. It is said that men have six times the amount surging through their veins than women. Men ogle women as if on “auto-pilot.” Many women even complain that in the company of a man, they’re often forgotten for a brief moment until the “new” woman is out of their visual field. When you observe this as a woman, drawback his attention and if it repeats itself, tell him how it makes you feel rather than sulk all day and saying “I’m fine” when asked what is wrong.

Focused on Solutions:

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Some studies have proved wrong the theory that women are more empathetic than men. The empathy system of the male brain does respond when someone is stressed or expressing a problem. The “fix-it” region just takes over. When there’s a problem, most men tend to go quiet and talk less. According to confessions from several men, they’re figuring out a solution. So, when you observe this, rather than nag, you can ask specifically what his thoughts are and if he needs help to bring the thoughts to reality.

More vulnerable to loneliness:

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Never get it wrong and don’t be carried away by cultural norms that men don’t cry and should never show weakness. That is the greatest lie of the century and has led many to live a depressed lonely life or even suicide in extreme cases. While loneliness can take a toll on everyone’s health and brain, men seem particularly vulnerable. This is because men tend to reach out less than women, which exacerbates loneliness and the toll it takes on them. Some bury their heads in work, alcohol, a game or exercise. When you notice a change in attitude, no matter how slight, ask questions with genuine concern. You might be saving a man from depression and its effect.

They’re emotional too:

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Studies have shown that while females are usually considered the more emotional gender, infant boys are more emotionally reactive and expressive than infant girls. Upon adulthood, men have slightly stronger emotional reactions, too but once the emotion reaches consciousness, men adopt a poker face. It is only when they can’t bottle it up anymore, that is, they let it out in various forms. This is why talking it out with genuine concern is better than nagging or leaving him alone to sort out his problems unless of course, he prefers to be alone at this moment.

Daddy-play sometimes gets rough:

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If you’re one of those women who scream at their husbands or brothers for playing with their kids a little rougher than a mother would, you might want to pause for a bit. Relax, gauge the situation – will it harm the kids? Are the kids uncomfortable and asking or crying for help? If they are enjoying it, let him do his daddy-thing or if you’re really concerned, call him aside and have a chat that Is free of blames. Daddy-specific ways of playing with their kids is a bit like what the child wants (rough), more spontaneity, more teasing. Guess what? Such plays help in bonding. He won’t do it like a mum who would rather talk to the child.

No list can be exhaustive enough to reveal what women should know about men so they can support them. However, these are the basics. Having deep conversations and making effort to understand men can go a long way in reducing conflict.

Do you have a question or comment? Do share with us in the comment section.

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