Every child on earth has a unique personality and they grow into adulthood with it. If you take your time to observe any group of children playing, you will notice the following;
*Some children will be moving quickly with energy, while others will be sitting quietly.
*There will other children talking loudly, others talking slowly and reflectively.
*Some will be in a group, and some others will be by themselves contented.
*Some will be bossy, some compliant, some gentle, others strong willed.
Interestingly, these children are born with distinct ways of thinking, feeling, and acting. It is an inborn genetic wiring called “temperament” , an important component of your child’s personality. It will have a major impact on them and how they react to the world around them.
Some parents feel frustrated when they don’t understand why the kids act the way they do. This has destroyed a lot of parent/child relationships as one parent will prefer the outgoing, expressive child over the seeming quite one. The situation could be the other way round. All parents will benefit from understanding the four temperaments that may exist. The Sanguine, the Melancholy, the Choleric and the Phlegmatic, their respective strengths and weaknesses.
Let’s explore the melancholy temperament and what you need to focus on in your parenting of this child to help him/her reach have a good life.
The melancholy child exhibits some or all of these tendencies;
*Care about appearance.
*Avoids getting messy or dirty.
*Gets into planned routines easily.
*Asks “Why” often and expects correct answers.
*Prefers mental games to physical games.
*Can focus on one toy or activity for a long time.
*Takes things apart and puts them together.
*Most times sticks to the rules.
*Performs well where there is structure.
Extreme behaviours include some or all of these;
*Insists on a special place for everything.
*Can be obsessive about what belongs to them.
*Gets very upset if a toy is broken.
*Tends to worry about things that might happen.
*Dislike their personal space being invaded.
Many melancholies have become successful in creative hobbies because they often have an artistic side especially in music or the arts. These set of people see the glass as half-empty as against half-full. They are deep thinkers and they also have deep emotions which can get them easily tired.
There are tips you need to focus on when parenting the melancholy child;
Do not worry:
If your child asks a lot of “what if” questions, remind him that things that may or may not happen in the future should not be their primary focused. Try as much as possible to guide their minds away from the yet-to-happen.
Be flexible:
Show your Melancholy child how to be flexible by letting them know things don’t always go as planned. They need to learn to adapt with understanding when plans change.
Be cheerful:
Melancholies have joy in their hearts but sometimes their faces do not show it. Singing the rhyme “If you’re happy and you know it…” with a smile showing on your face is a fun way to remind your child to smile.
Recognise his/her need for space:
Honour your child’s need for some alone time. Trying to change them into what they are not might be counter-productive. But as they grow and their days are filled with school and activities, be sure to encourage them to have some time to themselves within their schedule.
Gaining self-control over emotions:
When your Melancholy child’s emotions get out of control, a gentle reminder to fold his or her hands can help him/her learn control.
Finally, it is important we remember that children don’t always have the same temperament as their parents. Each child is unique and needs to be understood and not judged or disciplined for being different. Let’s help our children express their personality in ways that will maximise their unique strengths and abilities.
What is your child’s personality story and how have you been able to manage it? Please share with us in the comment section.